The sadness in his heart
by A.J Sawyer
Summary: The story describes what are Hei's feelings to Amber after the first season. Many thanks to Destinies Entwined. I don't own anything.


**A/N: _  
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**Very big thanks to Destinies Entwined. She helped me with the English language and with many other stuffs. She is very cool person and she has awesome stories. If you didn't read them do it. Thanks, Bri!  
**

**The action is happening after the first season. Enjoy it!  
**

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___"I don't want to hear anymore."_

Hei lay on his bed while thinking about Amber's last words. They were so soft and bitter. They broke his heart into a million pieces. He had never gotten the chance to explain to her the love which he felt for her.

_"Felt? No. I still love her."_

These words crossed his mind as he got lost in the endless pit of his emotions. So much had happened in the last ten years. So much had been won and lost; his sister, the stars , the moon , the sky…his first love. Bai, Amber…his family…Everyone who he loved or cared for was dead. There was no future for him. The Syndicate, MI6, FBI, CIA…every one of them wanted him dead. And for what reason, he didn't know.

But that wasn't important. Only Amber mattered to him. He loved her so deeply. All that time when they were in South America she was so nice to him. He remembered one very special case.

_"You are so pitiful, Hei." A male contractor said from behind him. "I'll kill you in seconds, __and __she won't be able to protect you."_

_Hei frowned at the male contractor, __wondering__ why he said that. It was irrational… There was no reason for that. And who was the woman he __spoke of__? Maybe Bai? No, she didn't care about him. She cared only for herself, because that was the only rational thing to do. Then who __could it be__?_

_The contractor closed to him, as Hei stood up. The contractor looked at Hei, frowned and __said,_

_"She__ always __chooses__ you for everything; for her partner on the battle field, for her friend and lover, as well. I don't know how she always __chooses__ you when you are nothing more than a __pathetic__ human who is trying to __act like__ a contractor."_

_Hei __now __understood that he __meant__ Amber. He thought __about__ his words for a minute. It's true that Amber always __chose__ him for a partner on the battlefield, she always shared with him everything and even sometime she wanted advice from him. But he wasn't her lover definitely. He would never think something like that. She was only a friend for him and a leader, of course. But the last __words from__ the contractor made him angry. He wasn't a __pitiful__ human. Hei frowned and went to speak, __only to be cut off._

_"Did I hurt __your feelings__, Black Reaper?" The contractor mocked him. "Answer me. Or you are __scared__?"_

_Enraged, Hei stopped him from speaking another word._

_"Amber isn't my lover. She is only my leader. As for you, I think that you are __the pitiful one__. Why don't you say that to Amber? She is right there." Hei raised __his hand __and pointed at Amber. "Come on. Go and tell her what you think about her."_

_The contractor frowned, __clenched__ his teeth and raised his __fist__ to __punch__ Hei in the face. Hei caught his arm before he __succeeded __and __flipped him__. The contractor yelled in pain and __kicked __Hei in the stomach. Hei made one step behind and socked the contractor in the face._

_"Hey! Hey! Stop! Both of you!" Amber yelled, as she __ran over to__ them._

_A few other men followed her and caught Hei and the contractor. When Hei and the contractor calmed down the other men released them. They stared each other in displeasure. Amber stepped between them and yelled:_

_"What the hell was that?! __This isn't__ a first mission! __We are here, in__ South America! We don't need __any__ scandals! __Have you forgotten that death is__ always stalking us in the shadows?! I don't want to see anything like this anymore! Is that clear?"_

_"Yes, Amber," __both__ men said._

_After a couple of hours, the contractors __lay down__ on the cold ground and fell asleep. The camp fire died, making the night colder. Hei sat against a tree and watched __for danger._

_Hei thought about what had happened earlier. He really had done something stupid. Amber was right. __Heaven's War__ wasn't __a game__. They were on a __serious__ mission and they didn't __need any obstacles__. However, the contractor acted very strange. There __had been__ no reason for him to __say what he had__. This wouldn't change anything._

_Hei heard steps behind him and pulled his knife. He calmed down and __put away __his knife when he realized that __it__ was Amber. She __came up__ to him and he __just __stared at her._

_"You mustn't listen to him," Amber said._

_"Why? Why __did he do__ that?" Hei questioned. "__It's__ irrational, right?_

_"Yes." Amber nodded. "But __it's still__ logical."_

_Hei stared at her confused. _

_"Logical? But how?"_

_"Jealousy, Hei." Amber said, like she could read his thoughts. "You became better than him, __despite the fact__ that you don't have powers."_

_Hei gasped. A contractor with irrational thoughts, was that possible?_

_"You can replace him." Amber continued. "You can become better than him. __He fears that.__ That's why he tried to challenge you. He wants to remove __the threat__."_

_That made sense, but it was still too irrational for Hei._

_Amber kneeled next to Hei and __asked,_

_"Are __you alright, Hei?"_

_"Yes," Hei answered. "Why are you telling me this?"_

_"Because…I'm not like them." Amber __replied__. "I care about everyone in my team."_

_Amber __held__ his arm and leaned __into__ him. __Hei flinched as he felt her breath against his skin.__ Her breath was so warm and sweet; he couldn't resist __it__. __Her soft hair tickled his neck. __Their arms were entwined and his lips were __only__ centimeters from hers._

_He __gave in__ and kissed her. Amber placed her __hand__ on his cheek __as she__ gave into it. Hei __wrapped__ his __arms__ around her back and continued to kiss her. The world seemed to disappear. There __were no__ words. It was __only them__._

Hei's eyes filled with tears, and they slowly fell to the pillow. The memory made his heart to beat fast. Amber was dead. He had spent five years thinking she was a traitor, and now he couldn't tell her how much he loved her. How painful that was.

He remembered how she smiled at him. She warmed his heart at the moment he saw her. She could make him to forget about everything.

Hei wanted to bring her back so badly, but that was impossible.

"I promise you, Amber," he whispered. "I promise that I will bring you back someday, my love."

Maybe someday he would find a way to be with her. Maybe someday he would feel her soft skin and taste her lips again. No matter how, no matter at what cost….he was determined to be with her again.


End file.
